Are You a Black Woman Considering Dating a White Man, but Scared of the Unknown?

If you’re a black woman, contemplating dating a white man and are hesitant or apprehensive, then don’t be. The next time a guy asks you out that just happens to be a different color, just say yes. Go for it and see what it’s like. Keep the first date simple and somewhat quiet. Go somewhere that is neutral. For example, don’t take your white date to an underground hip-hop club, where he’ll stand out like a sore thumb unless you’re going on a date with Eminem LOL. And don’t take your black date to a death metal concert and throw her in the mosh pit!

love affair

In a quieter setting, you will be able to feel the vibe and the connection and gage your comfort level with each other and the sense of being seen as an anomaly in sometimes color-struck world. A movie, a quiet dinner or a walk in the park or through the mall is nice. Don’t toss your date into a roomful of your closest friends or family too early on. Let it just be you and your date for a while until you feel comfortable and confident with each other.

Don’t rush into sex either until you feel comfortable with each other outside of the bedroom. There is often a very powerful sexual chemistry between a white man and a black woman or any interracial couple simply because of the beauty of it being different. It may be part curiosity and intrigue or part enchantment and excitement. It may just be simply a natural attraction to the person. The thought of contrasting skin tones together in passion can be like an aphrodisiac and may compel you to move your bodies to the bedroom before your minds are ready to deal with the situation.

There is also the newness of the connection and the little surprises that will crop up of because of subtle differences. The main thing is to relax, enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other. A good sense of humor is important, because at times the differences and the looks you may get from others can be pretty funny at first or they can be stressful and annoying. If it’s right, everything will fall into place naturally and nothing else will matter.

As for the sexual myths we’ve heard about each other, don’t even think about them. A lot of black women are curious about the so-called legendary sexual creativity of white men or they may have heard that white men are not well-endowed or rhythmic. White men have often heard about the so-called sexual power and prowess of the black woman. We’ve all heard the sayings, “Once you go black, you’ll never go back” and “Once you go white, everything’s alright”. I can’t speak for the world, but only from my own experiences and I will only say this regarding the sexual connection that can be created between a white man and a black woman; It can be powerful, beautiful, intense, magical and filled with passion and tenderness and yes, the difference in skin tones is truly beautiful. Everything else is relative and unique to each individual. Color really has nothing to do with a person’s sexual nature.

If you’re uncomfortable in an interracial relationship, then you’ll have to decide if it’s right for you or not, but the decision is up to you. Don’t let the bias or prejudices of others determine who you may love or be happy with. Only you can decide who and what is right for you and fits into your life.

The truth is that people may look at you funny and give you attitude when you are dating a person of a race that is a stark contrast to your own. Nobody said that it’s easy to be unique and different. People still flinch slightly at a black guy with a white girl, but for some people, seeing a white guy with a black girl is totally like OMG and they may show it. You will find that as the bond between you and your mate increases, the less other people’s opinions or views of your relationship matters. A natural bond will develop between you that will strengthen you both over time.

The world should see interracial relationships as something beautiful…like a pure sign of a rift or divide closing up; one love, unity and all that. People should realize that it’s hard to find love in this world and that no matter how the colors may seem to clash, it’s beautiful.

As a black woman, you may find that your friends and family may be critical or confused about your decision to date a non-black man. You may even question yourself and wonder why you are doing it and why you could not find your happiness with a black man. You may feel guilty or as if you are abandoning your own race, but only you know your reasons. If those reasons are pure and sincere and without malice, ulterior motives, material misconceptions and based on reality and are not some misconception that white men or other races are “better”, then who you date is nobody else’s business.

People are people. Good and bad comes in all colors. There are beautiful, wonderful men in all races and some amazing black men out there, but there is nothing wrong with living freely in a world of all kinds of people and keeping your dating and love options open to all possibilities.

Am I an expert on interracial relations because I happen to be a part of one? Of course not, so I can only speak from my own experiences. I am happy. No, it’s more than that. Actually, I am overjoyed and exuberant that in a vast world full of billions of people and after several relationships that were not right for me, I finally found one person with whom I can share life. I feel fulfilled and my world is brighter and shinier because of that person being a part of my life right now. It doesn’t matter what color package my joy came in, but simply the fact that right now, it is here, and it is here because I kept an open mind, heart and soul and looked beyond the surface.

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Five Great Ideas for Dating Success on Swirling.org

Whether you’re looking for the love of your life or just companionship, popular Internet dating sites like Swirling.org offer great opportunities to meet quality and qualified people. Your first impression is critical, so here are 5 suggestions that will help you stand out from the rest on Swirling.org:

interracial-dating

1. Use a great photo of yourself! Take off your sunglasses and put on your shirt. Don’t use your cell phone or webcam…. they just won’t do you justice. A headshot and one or 2 action or full body shots are always welcome. Skip the picture of your dog… he or she can find his or her own date. Also try to avoid photos obviously cutting out your ex.

2. Put some effort into your profile on Swirling.org. It’s awkward to write about yourself but share your strengths, dreams, and what you want in a partner. Be honest. Be creative but not too corny. If you’re having trouble writing this, enlist the help friends. They can help you showcase the qualities that make you special.

3. Delete the negative stuff. Your profile is the first impression others will have of you. They don’t want to read about how miserable your divorce was or all the things you hate about dating.

4. Check your spelling and grammar. Most Internet dating sites have the same help features that you find in your word processing software, highlighting your spelling errors with a little red line so you can quickly fix them.

5. Get to know prospects before you unleash your sexual fantasies, strong opinions, and thoughts on hook ups. Make it to the second date before unleashing too much information.

Dating is a process of discovery. Swirling.org can facilitate the introduction, but you have to market and introduce yourself with confidence, patience, and integrity for the system to succeed.

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Remain Desirable Towards the One You’re Dating

In most cases, mutual attraction is what links two people together at the beginning of a relationship. The key element to empowering the relationship beyond the initial connection is to remain desirable to one another. Most people are experts at making themselves desirable in the beginning of a relationship, but as that initial desirability wears off, the other person may start to lose interest and seek out someone else they find desirable, and suddenly, the relationship is over. There are, however, some simple things you can do to make yourself highly desirable and increase your chances of a keeping that perfect catch.

Online Interracial Dating

Take care of your appearance-your face, hair, nails, body and the way you dress. Many people stop taking care of their appearance when they become comfortable in a relationship. While it’s nice to feel comfortable, that’s no reason to start looking shabby.

Show your beautiful smile. No one likes being around someone who is always sad. Humans have a natural desire for happiness, and it is difficult to feel happy when someone around us is always down. I know it’s sometimes hard to keep a stiff upper lip when things are not going so great, but I encourage you to do so. Think happy thoughts to help cheer yourself up. Don’t underestimate the power of smiling. Even a fake smile can actually make you feel better, look more attractive, and make the other person feel good around you.

Think and speak positively about life. Your significant other will enjoy being around the positive you. There’s nothing worse than being around someone who always complains about life. Complaining and being generally negative makes others feel irritated and annoyed, and is one of the quickest ways to get the other person running in the other direction.

Be mysterious. Don’t hide anything important, of course, but giving details about yourself a little at a time keeps a relationship fresh. A little mystery keeps your significant other curious and interested in knowing more about you. You can avoid divulging everything about yourself by asking questions that would help you to know the other person better.

Feel confident about who you are. Criticizing yourself and having a low self-esteem can turn the other person off very quickly. You will be more desirable when you feel good about yourself and have confidence in whatever you do. When you radiate confidence, your date will feel proud to walk with you and introduce you to others.

Show interest in your significant other. Pay close attention to what you’re he or she has to say. Even if you are not interested, look interested. You can show that you’re interested by nodding, repeating what is said and commenting in the end. If everything your date talks about is boring, then maybe that person is not the right one for you.

Wait to make love. Don’t be physically intimate with the other person at the start of the relationship. You want to keep that other person interested in you, and if you give yourself entirely at the beginning of the relationship, chances are the other person will lose interest. Let sexual desire be a part of the driving force that keeps that person chasing you. Plus, your goal should be to make love, not just to have sex. Love is something that develops over time. Wait until you know you both love and are committed to each other-ideally, when you are married.

Take turns planning dates. You shouldn’t always be planning your time together. Both people need to be involved. Any relationship takes work, and if the person you are dating is not working at it, then at some point you will start to be taken for granted. When your date plans for both of you, he or she is investing time and energy into the relationship. The more your date invests into the relationship, the more likely it is that your date will stick around.

Take turns paying for everything. Again this has to do with investing into the relationship, which includes financially. Your date is less likely to have the desire to start a new relationship if he or she has invested a lot of time and money in your relationship. If the relationship doesn’t last, you will feel better at the thought that you haven’t spent too much money on that person.

Allow the person you are dating to be free. No one likes to be told what to do. If you constantly try to control your date’s every move, he or she will end up resenting you and will eventually abandon the relationship. If you are continually feeling frustrated over what the other person is doing, then maybe you should consider working on yourself or finding a partner who better suits your needs. This is not to say that you should keep your mouth shut about everything. If there is something that is really affecting you negatively, then talk to your date using “I” messages. For example, “I think it is not nice for you to not call me if you are going to be late for our dinner date. I feel angry because you didn’t call me. I want you to call me next time.” How you communicate really makes a difference. Certain things you might want to just let go and not make a big deal out of them. It really does take a mature person to accept people the way they are, but you can do it if you set your mind to it. In the long run, you will have a happier relationship.

Compliment your date in front of others. Pointing out your dates good qualities can make him or her feel good inside and in return feel good about you. People’s self-esteem can reflect how they feel about themselves and their environment. Boosting his or her self-esteem will only lead your date to find you more desirable.

Treat others with respect. The kind of impression you leave on the person you are dating will partly depend on how you treat others. Making fun of or putting other people down in any way will make you appear less desirable. For example, my friend Chris once had a blind date who was very polite and nice to him the whole time they were on their date. However, she was not so friendly towards the hostess and waiter. She yelled at the hostess for not seating them immediately. She told Chris that the hostess was “lame” and shouldn’t be working at such a high-class restaurant. She also was rude and obnoxious towards the waiter for not telling her there were going to be mushrooms on her steak. Chris knew then and there that he would not be seeing her again. Her behavior was an immediate turn-off. Chris told me that he got an awful glimpse of what it would be like if he continued to date her. Remember the age-old advice, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”

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Online Dating Just Doesn’t Work

We’ve had a few friends that got their toes wet upon our advice that they utilize the online dating sites to seek out perspective partners. They placed a few ads on various online dating sites. But after a few experiences that were anywhere from eyebrow-raising (not in a good way) to the ultimate in mediocrity they decided that online dating just doesn’t work. These individuals are men and women, various sexual orientations, at different stages in life, and from a fairly broad age range. Some decided to stick with conventional dating methods, others rationalized that “meeting people via social networking sites such as Facebook and Myspace” did not meet the criteria of online dating, and still others just decided not to pursue dating at all online or in real time.

Basics of Online Dating

According to a 2010 survey conducted by Chadwick Martin Bailey for Match.com 1 in 5 singles have dated someone they met on online dating sites. These numbers alone totally dispel the myth that online dating just doesn’t work. But when you combine studies like this with the anecdotal evidence the fact is that not only does online dating work, but it works quite well.

Although I respect everyone’s decision to take a break from dating, I don’t believe in letting anyone off the hook as to why they choose not pursue online dating due to the proliferation of an online dating myth. I met my husband via the use of online dating sites. We know of several other couples at different stages of commitment (some have made it legal) who had met online. The fact is that nearly everyone we know personally knows another individual who has entered into a committed relationship or at the very least ended up dating someone that they’ve met online. Though those people may not have set out to meet someone online via the use of online dating sites, they did initially come into contact with their significant other via the internet; some through social networking sites, others via posting on various online discussion forums, still others by conducting some sort of e-commerce. I am not saying that everyone should be dating. There are those who have personal issues they must resolve before they are ready and able to seek out a healthy relationship. I think it is a good thing for those individuals to take all the time they need to work on themselves first. However, if a person’s emotional ducks are all in a row dismissing online dating as a vehicle that just doesn’t work due to belief in this online dating myth is seriously limiting and makes no logical sense.

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