If you’re a black woman, contemplating dating a white man and are hesitant or apprehensive, then don’t be. The next time a guy asks you out that just happens to be a different color, just say yes. Go for it and see what it’s like. Keep the first date simple and somewhat quiet. Go somewhere that is neutral. For example, don’t take your white date to an underground hip-hop club, where he’ll stand out like a sore thumb unless you’re going on a date with Eminem LOL. And don’t take your black date to a death metal concert and throw her in the mosh pit!
In a quieter setting, you will be able to feel the vibe and the connection and gage your comfort level with each other and the sense of being seen as an anomaly in sometimes color-struck world. A movie, a quiet dinner or a walk in the park or through the mall is nice. Don’t toss your date into a roomful of your closest friends or family too early on. Let it just be you and your date for a while until you feel comfortable and confident with each other.
Don’t rush into sex either until you feel comfortable with each other outside of the bedroom. There is often a very powerful sexual chemistry between a white man and a black woman or any interracial couple simply because of the beauty of it being different. It may be part curiosity and intrigue or part enchantment and excitement. It may just be simply a natural attraction to the person. The thought of contrasting skin tones together in passion can be like an aphrodisiac and may compel you to move your bodies to the bedroom before your minds are ready to deal with the situation.
There is also the newness of the connection and the little surprises that will crop up of because of subtle differences. The main thing is to relax, enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other. A good sense of humor is important, because at times the differences and the looks you may get from others can be pretty funny at first or they can be stressful and annoying. If it’s right, everything will fall into place naturally and nothing else will matter.
As for the sexual myths we’ve heard about each other, don’t even think about them. A lot of black women are curious about the so-called legendary sexual creativity of white men or they may have heard that white men are not well-endowed or rhythmic. White men have often heard about the so-called sexual power and prowess of the black woman. We’ve all heard the sayings, “Once you go black, you’ll never go back” and “Once you go white, everything’s alright”. I can’t speak for the world, but only from my own experiences and I will only say this regarding the sexual connection that can be created between a white man and a black woman; It can be powerful, beautiful, intense, magical and filled with passion and tenderness and yes, the difference in skin tones is truly beautiful. Everything else is relative and unique to each individual. Color really has nothing to do with a person’s sexual nature.
If you’re uncomfortable in an interracial relationship, then you’ll have to decide if it’s right for you or not, but the decision is up to you. Don’t let the bias or prejudices of others determine who you may love or be happy with. Only you can decide who and what is right for you and fits into your life.
The truth is that people may look at you funny and give you attitude when you are dating a person of a race that is a stark contrast to your own. Nobody said that it’s easy to be unique and different. People still flinch slightly at a black guy with a white girl, but for some people, seeing a white guy with a black girl is totally like OMG and they may show it. You will find that as the bond between you and your mate increases, the less other people’s opinions or views of your relationship matters. A natural bond will develop between you that will strengthen you both over time.
The world should see interracial relationships as something beautiful…like a pure sign of a rift or divide closing up; one love, unity and all that. People should realize that it’s hard to find love in this world and that no matter how the colors may seem to clash, it’s beautiful.
As a black woman, you may find that your friends and family may be critical or confused about your decision to date a non-black man. You may even question yourself and wonder why you are doing it and why you could not find your happiness with a black man. You may feel guilty or as if you are abandoning your own race, but only you know your reasons. If those reasons are pure and sincere and without malice, ulterior motives, material misconceptions and based on reality and are not some misconception that white men or other races are “better”, then who you date is nobody else’s business.
People are people. Good and bad comes in all colors. There are beautiful, wonderful men in all races and some amazing black men out there, but there is nothing wrong with living freely in a world of all kinds of people and keeping your dating and love options open to all possibilities.
Am I an expert on interracial relations because I happen to be a part of one? Of course not, so I can only speak from my own experiences. I am happy. No, it’s more than that. Actually, I am overjoyed and exuberant that in a vast world full of billions of people and after several relationships that were not right for me, I finally found one person with whom I can share life. I feel fulfilled and my world is brighter and shinier because of that person being a part of my life right now. It doesn’t matter what color package my joy came in, but simply the fact that right now, it is here, and it is here because I kept an open mind, heart and soul and looked beyond the surface.